build,lib,test: change whitelist to allowlist

PR-URL: https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/36406


Reviewed-By: Anna Henningsen <anna@addaleax.net>
Reviewed-By: Colin Ihrig <cjihrig@gmail.com>
Reviewed-By: Rich Trott <rtrott@gmail.com>
Reviewed-By: Luigi Pinca <luigipinca@gmail.com>
Reviewed-By: Michael Dawson <midawson@redhat.com>