src: fix warnings around node_options

* header explicit usage, order, and reduce use of `*-inl.h`
* pointer -> const reference when possible
* no variable recyclicng
* `std::begin/end` prefered over `instance.begin/end`
* `USE` for explicit unused resaults

PR-URL: https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/26280
Fixes: https://github.com/nodejs/node/issues/25593


Reviewed-By: Joyee Cheung <joyeec9h3@gmail.com>