Compile with hidden visibility always; set via cmake property rather than compiler flag

This updates the compilation to always apply hidden visibility to
resolve the issues with default visibility causing problems under debug
compilations.  Moreover using the cmake property makes it easier for a
caller to override if absolutely needed for some reason.

For `pybind11_add_module` we use cmake to set the property; for the
targets, we append to compilation option to non-MSVC compilers.