Overhaul LTO flag detection

Clang on linux currently fails to run cmake:

    $ CC=clang CXX=clang++ cmake ..
    ...
    -- Configuring done
    CMake Error at tools/pybind11Tools.cmake:135 (target_compile_options):
      Error evaluating generator expression:

        $<:-flto>

      Expression did not evaluate to a known generator expression
    Call Stack (most recent call first):
      tests/CMakeLists.txt:68 (pybind11_add_module)

But investigating this led to various other -flto detection problems;
this commit thus overhauls LTO flag detection:

- -flto needs to be passed to the linker as well
- Also compile with -fno-fat-lto-objects under GCC
- Pass the equivalent flags to MSVC
- Enable LTO flags for via generator expressions (for non-debug builds
  only), so that multi-config builds (like on Windows) still work
  properly.  This seems reasonable, however, even on single-config
  builds (and simplifies the cmake code a bit).
- clang's lto linker plugins don't accept '-Os', so replace it with
  '-O3' when doing a MINSIZEREL build
- Enable trying ThinLTO by default for test suite (only affects clang)
- Match Clang$ rather than ^Clang$ because, for cmake with 3.0+
  policies in effect, the compiler ID will be AppleClang on macOS.